IN PRAISE OF PRAISE
One of the first philosophical principles we meet is not to give expression to negative feelings or to the criticism they engender. We know that negative feelings generate endless misery and suffering and that their expression leads to further repetition.
This is not to say that these feelings do not arise; on the contrary, there are ample occasions! Nor is this denial or suppression. The principle simply offers an opportunity to spare ourselves and those around us from needless pain, shame and separation.
One sure way to counteract negative feelings is to practice praise whenever possible - not false adulation, but genuine praise, whenever we can. This is a good habit to cultivate. People will appreciate it and, after some practice, it is bound to temper our knee-jerk tendencies towards negativity and strengthen our ability to practice restraint in the face of the storm. You may even receive some praise in return!
One student spoke of her daughter who “would not win any beauty contests” and often felt depressed and isolated about this. The mother decided that each day she would praise something about her daughter -- her hair, her dress, her gentle ways, and so on. This simple heartfelt practice brought about a change in the way the young girl viewed herself and brought the two together more than ever before.
Here is what the poet Ranier Marie Rilke says about praise:
I Praise
Tell us, poet, what do you do?
I praise.
But how do you bear these dark and deadly days?
How do you endure
I praise.
And the Nameless, the Unnamable,
How do you call out to that?
I praise.
And by what right do you, in every mask, costume and disguise,
Remain true to yourself?
I praise.
And how is it that calm and chaos,
Like star and storm,
remember you?
Because I praise.
Trans. M.Posnick
Enjoy the practice. Enjoy the praise.
In Praise of Praise
Balilinda:
The timing of this was good for me and it's stayed with me for the past few days, making several experiences much more positive and enjoyable. Instead of going with easy criticism it was interesting and worthwhile to see what was enjoyable in things we were doing and to express it. It helped others feel more appreciated and it was certainly easier and more pleasant for me. Thanks. Good timing as usual.
Praise
Michael Posnick:
Thank you for your response. Recently, talking about this with some friends, one woman was concerned that she was being encouraged to engage in false flattery. As the words came out, we all realized that a substantial part of the practice is to look for something genuine to praise in the person or situation - no matter the camouflage!
Enjoy.
Praise
Balilinda:
It's an interesting topic and seems continually useful. I asked my husband how he felt about it because, in general, he's a very positive person and does look for what's "praiseworthy", or at least it seems so to me. He says it's a matter of pragmatism. What good is it to be negative vs what good is it to be positive. The answers are apparent, especially in the way one feels after either.
I think it's also ego, showing how we can see what's wrong with something/someone, and that's so easy in New York where we're all so clever. I'm finding it fun to look for the genuine thing to praise. It's really not so hard to find at all.
I also feel as though this
Danbrun123:
I also feel as though this topic is interesting and this article came at a good time for me. I recently met with some old friends of mine and they all had very positive things to say about me and i felt really good for it but i found it difficult to return the favour. I have meditated on the subject and have knoticed that i don't always say the most positive things. Its so silly really, if i get a phone call from some one i often think "its really good to hear from you" but i rarely say it, its a simple compliment so why not give it?
why hesitate
lectri:
think it, say it....why not let truth be your guide rather than let hesitation win.....
Positive Things
jenjojag:
This topic is very interesting to me as well. I work with animals. In this field we always are reinforcing the positive and ignore
the negative. The desired outcome hopefully is that they will upon being reinforced many times for the positive behavior elicit
more. I would like to see this transfer to my human friends as well. But I have a hard time ignoring the negative.
Good boy!
JTorpy:
This is one of the first things that came to mind as well. Often, when in an up-and-down relationship, the "Golden Retriever" approach is the best way to engender better behavior. Praise, appreciate, thank every time for any positive action, and let the negative actions whither for lack of comment.
"The diving bell and the butterfly"
lectri:
On a side note, just wanted to suggest this is one current movie that might be interesting to watch and even perhaps relevant.....
Human thinking pattern habit
vbelenky:
Hello. I'm sorry for posting something that is out of place but I did not find an option to create a new thread. I would like to find people that are interested in the idea
that I will put forth and would like to discuss it to understand it in
more detail. The idea is based on my observation of other people,
myself and my experience of changing my thinking pattern and how as a
result my perception of the outside world has changed. The idea is:
People as they grow up take example from other people of a thinking
habit. The thinking habit that I observe around me and which I myself
had before are what could be characterized as apathetic. However, by
changing my thinking pattern to include the following elements my
perception of life has changed:
1. I began to listen and trust my common sense
2. I have broke ignorance within me by gathering the courage to face
knowledge that questions/challenge s my old perceptions
I am wondering if anybody can relate to what I am saying and does this
sound like a knowledge that can be turned into such a form that can be
applied?
re:Human thinking pattern habit
lectri:
I can say that I agree with ur method since I do this continual self learning and revising in the face of new knowledge myself all the time....
Examine yourself
JTorpy:
First, I will also be looking to post a new topic. We are in a web 2.0 world, and PhiloWorks should be fostering interaction among us.
As for your points, I would most support point 2. facing questions and facts that challenge perceptions is fundamental to a philosophical approach to life (i.e., loving knowledge).
Point 1 is really meaningless as there are countless intuitions, preconceptions, and transient feelings floating around our heads at any one time. Our pararational thoughts are interesting starting points, but these thoughts must be caught, culled, analyzed, and presented to the light of day (outside facts and empirical evidence) to deserve our trust. PW holds meditation on a pedestal, possibly to support that drawing out process of our inner thoughts. Presumably they continue on to subject those inner thoughts to rational and empirical analysis.
Bad Dog!
JTorpy:
It's easy to say be nice all the time and ignore problems. I agree that that is generally the best policy. I would be interested to hear wisdom regarding those truly negative actions and feelings in the world. Is this a universal philosophy in all cases? Shall we ignore the rapist, the thief, the dictator, the 30-mph-in-the-fast-lane-driver?
Some things require forceful action to maintain civil order.
Unfortunately, some people develop in such a manner as to require outside influence to behave properly. (which is not to say that they are 'bad', just that they have special needs)
In what way should we address these outliers and special problems?
The Use of REASON
VLauria:
Hi there!
I am sorry to tack this on to another thread, but there doesn't seem to be categories to separate subject matters. I hope you will indulge my question here.
My question is about the use of Reason. When worried about something, (which is often), I try to use reason and if it works, it works for about 2 seconds. I have tried writing down the evaluation fo the issue, but when I read it back, it seems my brain doesn't believe it. (strange)
I have not gotten good at the Exercise or the Pause yet, ( I am just starting Part 2), and so I am looking for any help or advice in order to make reason stick, at least a little to start. I tend to catastrophize (sp?), and I really want to master reason. Worry is a life long habit, (as I am sure with most people, and I am sure this takes practice). But if I right it down, and STILL DON'T BELIEVE WHAT I HAVE WRITTEN, I have a problem. It is like I become numb to it.
I am also trying to practice "living in the now", but the worry and chatter in my head overtakes all of that. I know that also takes practice, but that could take a very long time after a lifetime of other ways of living, and I am searching for some help with Reasoning.
Is it just practice I need? Or is there some other method to make the Reason "stick", so that I don't worry so much?
Any advice is greatly appreciated, and I thank you!
Val Lauria
Small Steps
tonypro:
Val,
Tony P
use of reason
lectri:
silence....Val Lauria.......let the mind fall quiet...if possible...an easier method is not to struggle with your thoughts...let them come whenever they do...but don't catch or hold them..minimize the time as soon as you see them and let them go by themselves...similar to watching individual seats on a ferris wheel go by.... another analogy would be someone throwing baseballs at you one by one and rather than catching them..u simply let them go past you...simply do not reach out......
Reason self collective
Paul Lowe:
Reason is what defines a human from an animal, although many animals reason, if reason is like a computer analysing data, then self is the compass, individually and collectively...praise reason, praise self combined, give, receive, explore and shine.
The USE of REASON
VLauria:
Thank you lectri and Tony P.
lectri, I appreciate your comments, I must say though that as wise as I know them to be, I am terrible at falling still. I am completely useless (at this point) with the Exercise. It just doesn't work for me. Someday I hope it will but I have been unsuccessfull with the falling still of thoughts. But thank you for the advice, I know it would/will help.
Tony P. Thank you for your response. You make a lot of sense. I have gone over my past about the things that I worry about that never happened or did got resolved. There are many. But then I also remember the shocks of things I didn't expect. (That is life!).
I am currently obsessing over a fear from the past, because it could very well repeat in the future. (health related), so I know that it could happen again, as a fact. (It is surgery). Now, no one has a crystal ball, but I try to use reason to tell myself that, but since the health issue has not been solved, I am (irrationally convinced that it WILL happen again). So, in the face of trying to reason about how past worries did not come to fruition, this one could repeat, and therein lies my problem.
I am trying to live "in the now", but my fears intrude. I am in Part 2 of classes, and I do attend, but frankly am having a hard time focusing.
This is my dilema. Tony, you are spot on with your advice, and again, I appreciate it, and will continue to try to remember my useless worries, but if you or anyone else could address this specific issue (I provided more details), I would be so grateful.
Thank you SO much!
V Lauria
falling still
lectri:
Hi V,
Falling still is not as important as letting the thoughts come, but let them stay or go as they may, do not empower,feed, or add sustenance to their existence, i.e.,try to not give them any more attention than they bring themselves...... you are not your thoughts but merely an outside observer of those thoughts...be the "watcher"..........
John
You are NOT your body
tonypro:
Lectri,
Sorry to hear aboutyour health problems. After two heart attacks before the age of fifty, I know what it's like to face the future with uncertainty. But the reality is, worry and its related stress are the worst things you can subject your mind and body to.Convince yourself that the best way -- the most reasonable way -- to expend the energy you are now utilizing in unhealthy worry is on healthy activities for both the body and mind. If you are already doing the right things physically, then learn to control your fears through more extensive practice of the exercise. Eckard Tolle, in his wonderful book "The Power of Now," discusses some powerful techniques for healing the body from within the mind. I have recommended this to others in similar situations and they have found it quite helpful.
Another powerful lesson that I have learned at the School is the idea that I amNOT this body. My existence, my reality, whatever it is that makes me me, is something greater than this shell I come wrapped in. This thought helps me somehow put to rest the worry about not being around as long as I would like. It helps me focus on a greater being inside and that gives me power. I know I cannot fully explain this, maybe none of us can, but I do know it has helped me put the fear of my mortality aside and to focus more on what is happening in my life now. This has been a challenge for me because, even though I am now 51 years old, I have a young son who I love spending time with and want to see grow up. What's important in my life is happening right now; not yesterday or tomorrow. Don't blow today because you're afraid you won't be here tomorrow -- all you'vedone then is missed two precious days instead of one.
Hope this helps,
Tony
The Use of REASON
VLauria:
John and Tony P.
Thank you for the advice. I am trying, really trying, and I appreciate your kind attention to my question. Tony, you are right, worry makes everything worse. Just hard not to, I know you know what means, having gone through it. Tony, be well, I am glad that you are enjoying your child and the present moment. That is what I am working towards.
Thank you again, both of you.
Val
In Praise of Praise
mikroth:
Hi. Praise is in short supply these days, right ? And doesn't spring to our heart and lips as often as we'd like it to. Maybe we need a little warming-up, a little practice.
Poetry praises. If you like that poem by Rilke -- and while we eagerly await the New York Poetry Book later this year -- try our new Poetry Forum for poems and discussion, attached to the School of Economic Science (sorry about the name, but we're stuck with it...) over the water in London..
We'd love it if 'Poets of Practical Philosophy' around the world submitted to the 'New Poetry -- Allcomers' thread on the Forum..
Have a good praise..
Michael Shepherd
'New Poetry -- Allcomers' thread on the Forum
cphillips:
Cecilia DePhillips
How do I log onto this site to submit and/or read poetry by others.
Thank you.
Poetry Forum on London School's Website
rkraus:
Cecilia,
Michael Shepherd is the moderator for the Poetry Forum sponsored by the London branch of the School of Practical Philosophy (In the U.K. it is called the School of Economic Science).
Here is a link to that forum: http://schooleconomicscience.org/phpBB2/viewforum.php?f=15&sid=f6b6213a9...
The Gratitude Chain of life in Genesis
Paul Lowe:
In praise we give, in praise we take, in life we live, in life we make,
In all that pain surpass, this life has considerable mass
In praise we give, in praise we take, in life we live, in life we make
chains of time, chains of hate, chains of love, chains we make
Living and breathing, alone, together...many species and ecology share this fraction of space all chains in time...alone, together...many components in the tool box of creation...where the under verse and the over verse are part of a universe within a microcosm a macrocosm awaits and praise due...where self is true, belonging and new, ageless beings abilities thru and thru, limited and unlimited in awareness, destiny, immortality, fortress this heart so brave, all share all wear a star, a light, a cave...laden with gifts I praise where the genesis cave is full of life connected in love and pride for all time...